A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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