he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
