You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
