We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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