Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
