i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
