I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I use my feet as sexual weapons
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
