and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
