Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
