I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
