I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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