Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
