i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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