Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
