i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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