:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
