hotel room ftw
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The struggles of a small town man whore
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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