i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
As shirtless as possible
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
