Little spoons don't ask big questions
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
