whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
