the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
