he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
