I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
