can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
