I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
the day after is always just damage control
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Randomize
