somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
