Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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