I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
