Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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