So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
