So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
