i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
