Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
All I want is dick and wine.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
