I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
