Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
