the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
