Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
