More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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