Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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