I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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