Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
