Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
