Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
