You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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