turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
