She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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