jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
