Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
