dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
