Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
