i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Four minutes until I can fart!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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