what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I have already put on my inside pants.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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