I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You pole danced in your parka.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
