you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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