We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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