...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
