I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
