I feel great
I just peed on a car
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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