sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
