I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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