he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
