I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
