Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
