haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
