I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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