High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
