I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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