I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
