he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
